Really Sarah? Are we doing this again. I talked about a tantrum mat last time and I think I need a tantrum mat to deal with my disappointment with how I'M ON DAY ONE FOR THE 1,567,158TH TIME! I'm so over this. BLAHHHHHHHH!
Ok... I think I'm done.. Anyway.. last night we went to Smashburger for din din. Zaheer's been playing a lot at church and it's sort of become a Saturday night ritual that we go there afterwords for dinner. Well the ritual was short-lived because last night was their last night. They're closing their doors.. :( Booooo. HOWEVER... as a single tear was streaming down my face last night as we were walking away from my favorite burger place I couldn't help but think of how things happen for a reason. I'm trying so hard to get my weight under wraps and we go eat places like smashburger where my favorite burger is probably THE worst one out of the bunch. Egg Bun...Bacon.. Burger..Cheddar....BBQ Sauce...Mayo... and Haystacks. It's to die for.... and wait.. I may literally be dying for it. Sabotage. I made healthier choices for lunch yesterday but I feel like at dinner it's impossible to make better choices.
As much as I'd love to be able to blame this on my husband's inability to pallet healthy food, I've been this way much longer than I've known him so he's just fuel to the fire. This is my fault. It's my decisions. It's my habits that i've formed after years and years of making poor choice after poor choice without thinking of the long term repercussions of what it all could mean.
Today is a new day. This is my chance to say Dec. 9 and 7:20 in the morning I decided I'd had enough. After I've lost 100 lbs I can look back and say today was the day it all began. Today is the day I started making the choices that led to a new me and a healthier lifestyle.
1,567,159? Bring it on.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
My Tantrum Mat
I've been listening to some podcasts from Jillian Michaels. She has some really interesting perspectives behind a lot of different ideas. I've decided I need a tantrum mat. lol And maybe Laylee needs a tantrum mat. When we internalize our feelings and don't acknowledge what we're feeling we express those feelings in a lot of different ways.. And everyone expresses them differently. Obviously I just eat them. So once I acknowledge them where do I go from there? Things can't continue the way they have been. Not sleeping well, eating like crap, it's all spiraling out of control. So I have to ask myself, Why? What is so bad in my life that I can't control cravings and bad decisions.
Negative Thinkings
Putting Myself Down
Feeling Discouraged
Is all of this coming from being overweight or has overweight become the effect of how I've felt my whole life. Is it the result of never acknowledging feelings I've had my whole life. I've always wanted to be healthy and fit and able to do things I can't do right now. I want to be in control of my life and my feelings.
Making a change is difficult, but I always seem to get halfway there when I try something new. But it doesn't matter how long I keep at something, the old way of handling feelings always seems to creep back in and takes over. So I still have to ask myself, What is so bad? Why can't I get control of my own feelings.
Maybe it's not so much "getting control of my feelings" maybe it's more handling and dealing with the emotions that I have. Isn't that really what acknowledging is all about? I'm not trying to change them, it's more accepting them as they come and acting on the source of them. That's where the tantrum mat comes in sometimes.
I can imagine sort of what that would look like, (blleeeeeep bleeeeeeep bleeeeeep.. Stomp, stomp, kick, punch.... soooo on and so forth.) I mean, really, I could get really into it and lie flat on the floor with my legs and arm out wailing like Laylee does. It would feel really good. Expressing that energy...... But more than that, it's recognizing that those feelings are there. I want that freaking cookie... I want it to not make me fat. I want it to not sabotage the efforts I've made. I want it to not set me on a downward spiral. I want it to not trigger emotions of worthlessness. I want it I want it I want it.
I'm so frustrated with myself for the last couple of days. It really does go to show that once you set your mind to something, once you've finally decided that enough is enough and today is the day that you're going to make a serious change. That's the day that your husband is going to come home and say. Let's have pizza. The husband who is anti-pizza. It's probably been 6 months to a year since he's mentioned pizza. But I can't put it on him. He didn't know that today was the day. The day to make a change and start new. I feel like he gets frustrated when I start all over again. Failing over and over and over doesn't portray the exact pattern that this is the time things are going to be different. I'm sure he's thinking. "well in couple days she'll be done with this and we'll be back to pizza for dinner and ice cream and cookies for dessert."
Tantrum Mat
But I want this. Buck up Sarah. Make decisions that are going to result in success.
I may not be there yet, but I'll get there. No matter what it takes, I'll get there. I refuse to let the trivial things of today weigh down my tomorrow.
Negative Thinkings
Putting Myself Down
Feeling Discouraged
Is all of this coming from being overweight or has overweight become the effect of how I've felt my whole life. Is it the result of never acknowledging feelings I've had my whole life. I've always wanted to be healthy and fit and able to do things I can't do right now. I want to be in control of my life and my feelings.
Making a change is difficult, but I always seem to get halfway there when I try something new. But it doesn't matter how long I keep at something, the old way of handling feelings always seems to creep back in and takes over. So I still have to ask myself, What is so bad? Why can't I get control of my own feelings.
Maybe it's not so much "getting control of my feelings" maybe it's more handling and dealing with the emotions that I have. Isn't that really what acknowledging is all about? I'm not trying to change them, it's more accepting them as they come and acting on the source of them. That's where the tantrum mat comes in sometimes.
I can imagine sort of what that would look like, (blleeeeeep bleeeeeeep bleeeeeep.. Stomp, stomp, kick, punch.... soooo on and so forth.) I mean, really, I could get really into it and lie flat on the floor with my legs and arm out wailing like Laylee does. It would feel really good. Expressing that energy...... But more than that, it's recognizing that those feelings are there. I want that freaking cookie... I want it to not make me fat. I want it to not sabotage the efforts I've made. I want it to not set me on a downward spiral. I want it to not trigger emotions of worthlessness. I want it I want it I want it.
I'm so frustrated with myself for the last couple of days. It really does go to show that once you set your mind to something, once you've finally decided that enough is enough and today is the day that you're going to make a serious change. That's the day that your husband is going to come home and say. Let's have pizza. The husband who is anti-pizza. It's probably been 6 months to a year since he's mentioned pizza. But I can't put it on him. He didn't know that today was the day. The day to make a change and start new. I feel like he gets frustrated when I start all over again. Failing over and over and over doesn't portray the exact pattern that this is the time things are going to be different. I'm sure he's thinking. "well in couple days she'll be done with this and we'll be back to pizza for dinner and ice cream and cookies for dessert."
Tantrum Mat
But I want this. Buck up Sarah. Make decisions that are going to result in success.
I may not be there yet, but I'll get there. No matter what it takes, I'll get there. I refuse to let the trivial things of today weigh down my tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
One Day at a Time
This is always how I start a new journey to a health lifestyle. It's always one day at a time. One day seems to work pretty well and then day two never seems to work. But I'd really like to try blogging this time. Every morning before a workout or before Laylee gets up. Instead of focusing on the gym all the time I'd like to just get outside and walk or start up a running program again. Although, I'm not sure my back will hold up for the running part.
I just want to feel different. I can't handle my back hurting so much anymore. I'm on my feet all day long and I can feel every move I make. It's literally killing me. So I'm donezo. I'm not sure how to keep myself from a downward spriral again, but I've been thinking about some stuff for awhile. Instead of being on a specific diet plan I'm just going to make healthier choices. With what I do, sometimes it's just impossible to plan plan plan all the time. I figure the sooner I figure that out the better. But that's not a cop-out. I need to plan better than I do now. Which is why every other day will be planning days and every other day will be workout days. I need to find a happy medium for my life where I can still keep my household running, hang out with my daughter, and become a healthier person all around.
I think the Advocare products are going to boost my efforts. Because I already have the stuff to do the cleanse again, I'm going to go ahead with that. I just can't afford to take it to the extreme that I did the last time. And honestly the results weren't worth the cost. Which is more my fault than the products fault, but that's on me.
I drank my Spark, took my Catalyst, and drank my Fiber drink before writing this blog and I'm sure they're what sparked the idea to write this blog. I'm sitting at my computer and I get this feeling of pure euphoria. I can feel it resonating through my entire body. It's like toxins are leaving every pore of my being. Healthy food can fuel your progress Sarah.. You have to remember that!! And it can also taste just as good (or BETTER) than the other crap you're putting in your body! So that's what I'm here to write about really.... The times I feel amazing because of what all of this is doing. And the times I feel like crap because I made a decision that lead me to that feeling. It's not about always making the right decisions because honestly, that's never going to happen. It's about making the right choices 75% of the time. Not just with food but with activities. The more I can get Laylee out running around and burning off some energy, the more I'll do the same (with calories of course. :))
So here it goes. Day 1 of the rest of my life.
Here are some Daily Mantras to get you by. Remember that life can be an inspiration if you just look in the right places.
"She believed that she could, so she did."
"Faith is the art of holding on to things, in spite of your changing moods and circumstances." - C.S. Lewis
"Happiness is a choice, Make it. "
"A little step my be the beginning of a great journey."
Have an amazing day and be encouraged. :)
I just want to feel different. I can't handle my back hurting so much anymore. I'm on my feet all day long and I can feel every move I make. It's literally killing me. So I'm donezo. I'm not sure how to keep myself from a downward spriral again, but I've been thinking about some stuff for awhile. Instead of being on a specific diet plan I'm just going to make healthier choices. With what I do, sometimes it's just impossible to plan plan plan all the time. I figure the sooner I figure that out the better. But that's not a cop-out. I need to plan better than I do now. Which is why every other day will be planning days and every other day will be workout days. I need to find a happy medium for my life where I can still keep my household running, hang out with my daughter, and become a healthier person all around.
I think the Advocare products are going to boost my efforts. Because I already have the stuff to do the cleanse again, I'm going to go ahead with that. I just can't afford to take it to the extreme that I did the last time. And honestly the results weren't worth the cost. Which is more my fault than the products fault, but that's on me.
I drank my Spark, took my Catalyst, and drank my Fiber drink before writing this blog and I'm sure they're what sparked the idea to write this blog. I'm sitting at my computer and I get this feeling of pure euphoria. I can feel it resonating through my entire body. It's like toxins are leaving every pore of my being. Healthy food can fuel your progress Sarah.. You have to remember that!! And it can also taste just as good (or BETTER) than the other crap you're putting in your body! So that's what I'm here to write about really.... The times I feel amazing because of what all of this is doing. And the times I feel like crap because I made a decision that lead me to that feeling. It's not about always making the right decisions because honestly, that's never going to happen. It's about making the right choices 75% of the time. Not just with food but with activities. The more I can get Laylee out running around and burning off some energy, the more I'll do the same (with calories of course. :))
So here it goes. Day 1 of the rest of my life.
Here are some Daily Mantras to get you by. Remember that life can be an inspiration if you just look in the right places.
"She believed that she could, so she did."
"Faith is the art of holding on to things, in spite of your changing moods and circumstances." - C.S. Lewis
"Happiness is a choice, Make it. "
"A little step my be the beginning of a great journey."
Have an amazing day and be encouraged. :)
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